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If you are in a relationship in which one spouse is more affectionate than the other, there may be a disconnect. Dr. Jane Greer, a marital and family therapist, tells Bustle, “The person who isn’t touchy-feely may feel uneasy or uncomfortable with the love, but the one who is touchy-feely will feel deprived if they don’t receive it. They will feel as if they are losing out on feelings of affection and security.” Nobody who genuinely loves their relationship wishes for their mate to feel that way. So, how do you respond to your physically affectionate lover when you’re not like that?
The idea, according to Greer, is for the touchy-feely spouse to develop ways to communicate affection in ways that are comfortable for both individuals in the relationship. “It has to be something that [the person who isn’t touchy-feely] can come to enjoy, not just tolerate,” she says.
If you’re not the loving kind, it’s critical that you collaborate with your partner to identify affectionate gestures that are comfortable for both of you. Begin by identifying the simple physical motions that come effortlessly to you. For example, holding hands or hugging. Allow your spouse to initiate and go from there, letting them know if there’s anything you don’t agree with. Also, you must try to play this Am I Affectionate Quiz.
Am I Affectionate Quiz
“The touchy-feely individual may eventually start to reach out themselves,” Greer explains. “An important part of this is getting them used to it.”
So, according to experts, here are some of the greatest ways to reply to a spouse who is more affectionate than you without hurting their feelings.
Tell your partner that you care about them verbally.
Carla Romo, a dating and relationship consultant, tells Bustle, “If you’re not physically affectionate but your partner is,” “A fantastic approach to respond to this is to first express to your partner how much you care about them. Then, state unequivocally that you do not enjoy displaying affection by being touchy-feely, and then state what you do prefer.” According to Romo, this allows you to work as a team to figure out what works best for the two of you while also assisting your partner in respecting your boundaries.
Recognize Your Partner’s Needs
Aside from telling your partner you love them, Adam Lippin, CEO and Founder of The Cuddlist, tells Bustle that it’s also vital to recognize your partner’s needs. “Assure them that you understand their want for more physical contact and that there is nothing wrong with having a desire for more touch.” That way, your partner won’t get the impression that your desire for less physical touch means you don’t love or care about them. It will also demonstrate to your partner that you understand how they display their affection.
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Negotiate a “Yes” that is mutual.
“Negotiate how both of you can have your demands satisfied,” Lippin advises. Is it acceptable to hold hands? Is a long hug excessive? If you’re the one who is uncomfortable, have an open conversation with your spouse about the forms of physical touch they want and those you don’t. You’re bound to find a mutual “yes” somewhere in there. And, if you’re comfortable with it, talk about physical touch that you might be interested in developing in the future.
When discussing the issue, make sure to use “I” statements.
According to Licensed Psychotherapist Eliza Boqun, MA, LMFT, it’s critical to make it about you. If you are the one who is uncomfortable with a lot of physical love, it is critical that you use it “I” sentences (for example, “When I’m embraced from behind without expecting it, I’m shocked and overwhelmed”) and avoid “blaming language” (for example, “You always grab me from behind! You know how much I despise that “( )
For more personality quizzes check this: Which Hollywood Undead Song Are You?
