Take this Am I Polyamorous Quiz to find out. We update the quiz regularly and it’s the most accurate among the other quizzes.
Recently, I’ve met quite a few polyamorous people as more and more of my friends have come out as poly and introduced me to their poly circles. I began to notice that the majority of the people I’ve met who are or have been in polyamorous relationships share a few common personality traits. So I set out to discover the real reason for this — was it just a coincidence? Is there any evidence of a link?
What piqued my interest in the first place was a conversation I had with a friend after she returned from a date with a polyamorous person. “Are all poly people that open?” she inquired. I asked her to go into more detail. She stated that her date had no reservations about sharing personal details about her life with her, which she did not expect to hear from someone she had just met. I then realized that the majority of poly people I’ve met tend to share a lot in the first few minutes of conversation. This includes me. When I meet like-minded poly people, I get so excited that I often spill my heart out to them in the first half-hour of conversation. It made me wonder if openness is the only thing poly people have in common.
Am I Polyamorous Quiz
First and foremost, let me state that there is insufficient academic research on polyamory vs. personality. The majority of the information I discovered was found in online discussions on Reddit and Quora, random PsychologyToday articles, and blog posts written by poly people sharing their personal experiences. One old study on consensual non-monogamy and its relationship to the big 5 personality factors among LGBTQ people discovered that participants in open relationships scored higher on “openness to experience” subscales and lower on “neuroticism” subscales than those in monogamous relationships (according to Elizabeth Retief). That’s all there is to academic research on this topic. Perhaps I should pursue a Ph.D. in sociology and write a paper on the subject myself, ha! Also, you must try to play this Am I Polyamorous Quiz.
Anyway, based on my own poly network’s unofficial interviews, this and this Quora discussion, this subreddit, and a slew of other random articles (1, 2, 3, and 4), the top traits that many polyamorous people share are openness and honesty. It is critical in polyamory to be open and honest with ourselves and all of our partners about how we are feeling. Being open to new experiences also helps a lot!
Adaptability and adaptability When we care about more than one person in our lives, we must learn to accept them and their needs in order to make room for them. The “making space” part may necessitate some adaptability.
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Noncompliance with tradition. This trait was identified as fairly common among poly people by both my friends and the research. We tend to question norms and are less concerned with rules and traditions.
Empathy. Empathy for the needs of others is essential in any relationship. Because there are more people involved in polyamory, there are more needs and feelings to consider. Having said that, having a sense of worth and knowing our own boundaries are also essential because it’s difficult to maintain a relationship while consistently ignoring your own needs.
Patience. I’ve seen this in my marriage with my husband — my pace in relationships (and in life in general) is much faster than his, so I had to slow down and adjust on multiple occasions to give him space and time to process and adjust.
You must be an engineer. I’m joking. However, according to this article, there are significantly more engineers among poly people. I’ve also seen “geekiness” and “creativity” mentioned in a few Reddit threads, so there must be something to it… It takes some ingenuity to figure out how to devote enough quality time to all of the partners while meeting at least some of their needs!