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I’ve been a frequent moviegoer for many years, and I’ve seen more than my fair share of absurd films—sometimes even on purpose. I mention this only to reassure you that I am not being overly dramatic when I say that the Godsploitation extravaganza “The Devil Conspiracy” is one of the nuttiest movies I have ever seen. You might wonder: How crazy is it? Consider the opening scene, which describes the Biblical conflict between the archangel Michael (Peter Mensah) and the disobedient Lucifer (Joe Anderson), and which concludes with the former consigning the latter to an eternity of confinement in the lowest reaches of Hell. If you can look past the shadowy appearance and somewhat dubious CGI imagery on display, I guess this is conservative enough.
No, the inspiration—if that is even a word—comes when Michael shows up to complete Lucifer’s shackling by fastening him to an apparently indestructible chain. Is this really essential, Lucifer asks as he is dragged over? Even though 2023 has only been going for two weeks, I doubt a movie will have a funnier sentence this year unless Elaine May went back to work covertly. The remainder of “The Devil Conspiracy” makes an honest effort, but it never quite achieves that level of sublime silliness.
When the story resumes in modern times, the Shroud of Turin—that fabled piece of linen purportedly used as Jesus’ burial shroud and purportedly bearing his unfavorable likeness—has been placed on exhibit and is drawing thousands of visitors every day. One of them is doubtful American art historian Laura Milton (Alice Orr-Ewing), who has been granted access by an acquaintance, Father Marconi (Joe Doyle), so she can study a statue that is nearby and details Michael’s victory over Lucifer. Laura, who is still there after business hours, sees a group headed by the evil Liz (Eveline Hall) steal the Shroud and kill Father Marconi before escaping into the night.
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Liz, it turns out, is the head of a Satanic cult that wants to set Lucifer free, resurrect him in the form of an unborn child, and rule Earth with his fellow demons. Unfortunately, their efforts have been frustrated because only the infant Christ could possibly live under the stress of Lucifer’s power and rage. Mortal bodies are simply unable to withstand such pressure. Liz also has a biological trick up her sleeve, as her evil geneticist collaborator Dr. Laurent (Brian Caspe) has developed a method of creating clones by extracting DNA from long-dead individuals. Then they create a fertilized egg using DNA from the Shroud, implant it in Liz, and wait for Liz to give birth to the end of society. (They evidently finance their more overtly evil endeavors by holding secret auctions of the cloned likes of Vivaldi and Michelangelo, the latter with an opening bid of ten million Euros.) I realize it sounds safe. They were unaware that Father Marconi’s dying prayer caused Michael to assume control of his body and leave in search of a rematch with his former adversary.
The Devil Conspiracy Quiz
What we have here is a story that suggests a figuratively unholy amalgamation of ideas plucked wholesale from works as diverse as “Paradise Lost,” “Rosemary’s Baby,” and “The Boys from Brazil,” filtered through the literary voice—for lack of a better term—of Dan Brown in a way that will make my editors wonder if I need to change my medication. Director Nathan Frankowski tries to prevent that by rushing from one scene to the next (including multiple trips through a conveniently located gateway to Hell) at a breakneck pace. Perhaps realizing that whatever tenuous integrity Ed Alan’s screenplay has might dissipate if viewers are allowed to contemplate the narrative for more than a couple seconds. Unfortunately, it doesn’t quite work out as planned because of the cheesy-looking effects, the plentiful but unconvincing gore, and the carelessly staged action sequences.
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Because of how absurd everything was, I was almost willing to overlook “The Devil Conspiracy’s” many creative transgressions, such as its clumsy action and even clumsier performances. When it should be ramping up to even crazier heights, “The Devil Conspiracy” instead begins to rein in the craziness in its final third, becoming more recognizable and repetitive. The biggest crush occurs at the climax, an all-too-familiar climax that only serves to set up a sequel whose presence can only serve as a significant indicator that the Rapture is approaching. But there’s one more sublime moment that rivals that one from the beginning, when a Lucifer-infused Laura pulls off her best Isabelle Adjani impersonation from “Possession,” screaming, contorting, and power-chugging a gallon of bleach that she then proceeds to vomit right into Liz’s face, before being finally subdued and dragged away. Liz can be heard sadly saying, “That could have been me,” as she walks away.
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No matter where you fall on the theological spectrum, “The Devil Conspiracy” is nutster than the proverbial fruitcake and twice as hard to stomach. It’s so bizarre that a tiny part of me almost wants to suggest it because a movie this insane rarely receives a big release these days. In the end, I’m unable to do that due to work obligations and other factors, but if my description of its absurdities motivates you to check it out for yourself, I can guarantee that you’re in for a memorable experience despite your best efforts.
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For more personality quizzes check this: Breeding Difficulty Quiz.
